It has been a while since I have done any yoga. I am definitely a beginner, still. The reason for that is my lack of motivation, and discipline. I usually start, and stop within a week.
I love yoga, and I have every reason to do it, yet I simply cannot bring myself to do many of the things that I really do want to do, including yoga. Self-sabotage, I think. That may sound dark and morose, but I believe it is a terribly common thing to do among most people.
Self-sabotage doesn’t necessarily refer to the deep, twisted manifestation of a trauma or something like it. At least in my opinion, a possibly ignorant and uneducated opinion, self-sabotage can be in small daily stuff, such as not exercising even though you really want to, or reading a book. It’s not always laziness. Often it is simply us versus us. It is us trying to convince ourselves that we will fail at XYZ too, and that when we do, we would have wasted all that time, which we could have spent more productively on other things that matter more. Who knows what those other things are or if they do matter more, but we convince ourselves that they are more important than the seemingly minor stuff that we want, care about or have any longing for. A constant struggle with guilt.
We feel bad for wanting the things we want, or longing to do what we really want to do in our daily lives in order to live the kind of life that we want to live, or be the kind of people we want to be. We are more likely to commit to doing some kind of crazy adventure like sky-diving, or getting a tattoo than we are likely to commit to simple daily tasks that will move us closer and closer to the life we desire for ourselves. Don’t you think?
There are many desponding elements about this Covid-19 lockdown, however there are a few really fantastic things about it as well. If you’re open to seeing the brighter side of dark clouds, then you’ll always stumble upon opportunities along your way. In my case, I am finally doing that yoga course that i have been wanting to do for a long time. I didn’t do it initially, because I felt guilty for wanting to do a short course on something that isn’t going to benefit my work and has nothing to do with any kind of advancement, except for my own personal growth. So, I signed up for the free course, just like I did with many others, and just like those many others, I left it in my bookmark tab where it would quietly judge me until I discreetly closed my laptop so that I could oppress myself further with scornful judgement and petulance for the remainder of the once-glorious-day. Yes..sigh.
But not this time, bookmark tab. Not this time!
A few days ago I did it, I opened the course material and began reading the content and watching to teaching videos. In fact, that is the reason for this blog’s existence. I came to a part in the course where they’re teaching about social networking, and one of the things I’m supposed to do is to reference it in my blog.
So I did what any person would do if they feel that they’re on a role of rare productivity- I went all out and created a blog from scratch. I watched tutorials on how to create a blog, and how to use your layout, etc. That’s right, I’m a pro now.
No, I’m not, but I do know a heck of a load more than I did a few days ago. There’s so much that I still have to learn about it all, but I’m doing it. Look at me!
As I said, there are many desponding elements about this lockdown, but now there is no reason to feel guilty to pursue the small nice things that we want for ourselves. Why not just go ahead and do it? It’s better than complaining that we are bored. Yes?